So, I watched the Homestuck Pilot…

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On September 27, 2025, an absolutely insane collaboration came to be. The YouTube channel Vivziepop, known for creating successful animated pilots, and Homestuck, one of the most famous webcomics of all time, joined forces to create an animated pilot for a Homestuck animated series. When I first heard about this collaboration back in August, I had extremely mixed feelings. We’ll get into some of those later, but two questions that were on my mind immediately were “why?” and “how?”

I mean the “why” is kind of obvious; Homestuck was an extremely successful property but its popularity has waned over the years and revamping the series like this could be very lucrative. As surreal as this creative combination seems, it also kind of makes sense. Hazbin, Helluva, and Homestuck are all very successful and are all works aimed at adults but popular with teenagers. It’s really hard to articulate if you’re unfamiliar with the culture surrounding these works, but there’s a certain synergy evoked by the phrase “Viviziepop’s Homestuck.” Whether that’s a good or bad thing depends on the viewer.

The “how” was a much more complicated question and it could only be answered once the pilot actually came out. If you’ve seen my Homestuck video, you’ll know that I think the biggest part of Homestuck’s appeal is the presentation; the mixed media, the playing with expectations, the way the story is actually conveyed and not just told. So, the idea of somehow turning that experience into a show seemed kind of doomed to fail unless they drastically altered the source material into a proper adaptation. Now that we’ve all watched the pilot and have an idea of what a show would look like, I can safely say that…they certainly tried.

And that’s not a purely negative statement, please don’t click off. There are quite a few things I liked about this pilot that are specific to the adaptation. For example, I really liked the vocal performances, especially from Toby Fox and Adam McArthur, who play John and Dave respectively. The cadence and way that they talk to each other is kind of exactly what I imagined in my head when I read the comic, and the dialogue feels very natural even if the words they’re saying are weird. They have good chemistry. So I guess also props to Richard Horvitz, who’s the voice director of this pilot.

I also like the artstyle. It’s clearly capturing the simplicity of the original artwork while also adapting it into something that looks fluid and polished. Speaking of the visuals, I really like the creative decision to have the characters interact with split screens and text bubbles. This was a good adaptational change, because it makes scenes of people just typing stuff feel dynamic in a visual medium. It can also help emphasize punchlines and add to characterization. The people in charge of the visuals clearly knew what they were doing.

The fight scene was also very fun. I feel like it kind of fumbled the punch line with John’s dad just casually trying to stop the smoke detector, but the fight was extra absurd which is exactly what it needed to be interesting. 

But…

There are things about this pilot that are there to remind you that you’re watching an adaptation of a web comic, and I am at a complete loss as to why they’re there, because they make the pilot worse.

The most obvious example to me is at the very beginning, where the narrator takes over to give John a silly fake name as a joke before being corrected. This makes sense as a joke in the comic, because it’s kind of presenting itself as a point and click adventure. Since this happens so early on, the comic is basically fucking with you by making you think you’re about to name the protagonist like you’d do in a video game, and then not letting you do that and making fun of you for thinking you could. 

This joke is very dumb in the pilot, because it looks like the narrator is just making up a name to no end, and then he gets corrected, and then it’s over. No real playing with expectations, just rehashing a joke in a new format where the joke no longer makes any sense.

This might just be me, but I also don’t find this narrator very funny, even though they’re clearly trying to be funny. They’re almost trying too hard, like it might be funnier if it was played straight and then the characters getting annoyed would be a proper punchline. At present, the narrator seems wholly unnecessary and not funny. I don’t think this adaptation even needs a narrator since it’s no longer primarily in text format. 

So, the answer to the “how are they going to adapt this?” question seems to be…by trying their best.

Like we have nice voicework, we have nice animation, but we’re still trying to cram a square shaped story into a circular medium, and instead of rounding out the edges, a little too much brute force is being used.

A third question that popped into my mind after I watched the pilot was “who?” Who is this made for? Obviously it’s aimed at Homestuck fans, but adaptations like this are normally trying to revamp the audience. Bring in a new crowd, expand the fan base, make this thing as successful as possible. Honestly, this pilot feels very hostile towards new viewers.

You are immediately dropped into this absurd setting with a bunch of characters talking really fast about things that the audience doesn’t know about. And you might say, “well that’s also the case for the opening of the webcomic” and you’re not wrong. In fact, people in the comment section of the pilot are making that exact argument. The thing is, when you’re reading the comic, you can read at your own pace. You are fully in control of when you click the next page, and the pacing of the dialogue is controlled by how fast you want to read it. I watched another review of this pilot where someone watched it with their friend who knew fuck all about Homestuck, and the friend couldn’t keep up with what was actually going on, and I don’t think that’s a skill issue on their part. I’ve also started seeing comments on the pilot from people who aren’t familiar with the source material, and most of them seem more confused than intrigued. Like, in the comic you can get away with just introducing things like the sylladex because there’s a lot of text describing it and it plays on the video game-y feeling that the comic has. It’s not necessarily a bad idea to just introduce a system naturally with the characters using it normally, but without the context that this is supposed to feel like a video game, it just seems very random. 

Again; square story, round medium. Emulating the pacing of the comic works fine for the nostalgia audience because they know everything, but if I were a new viewer, I don’t think I’d see anything to come back to. 

I know many people who couldn’t get into the Homestuck comic because the beginning is weird, and that’s fair. But at the very least, the beginning of the comic is setting expectations; this is a mixed media story, the universe is kind of like a video game, etc. And then you get to the point where John enters the game, and wow! Now there’s a plot, now there are other characters that we’re exploring, now the focus of the actual story is becoming clearer and you start to get invested.

This pilot ends before the actual plot starts. You could argue that it does set expectations by showing a little flash forward of what’s going to happen, but to a new viewer, what does any of that mean? Who are these people? What are the stakes? Why do I care?

The pilot’s not quite funny enough to make me excited to come back just for the comedy, and while I have the foreknowledge of cool stuff that happens, the pilot doesn’t set up any of the cool stuff. I guess maybe they were saving that for an official episode one, but like, why would you do that? Why would you go out of your way to pitch a show and then leave out the part where the premise is introduced? 

I don’t hate this pilot because clearly a lot of thought and work went into it and people were definitely trying probably harder than they needed to if they just wanted to get views. But I’d still say it’s a step below mid. It’s not terrible, but it’s not good. I feel neither excited or invested. 

And while the pilot has been pretty successful, raking in over a million views in a day, it hasn’t really hit the culture. It stopped trending on tumblr after like a day, and I don’t know anyone who’s excited to talk about it. 

Honestly, when I heard about the pilot coming out I was debating about whether I even wanted to talk about it. Like I said up top, I didn’t have a lot of faith that they could adapt such a weird web-comic into such a straight-forward medium, and I’m also not the biggest fan of the comic’s creator, Andrew Hussie. Based on allegations, they’re not especially good at management and allegedly have a habit of threatening lawsuits to get their way. So that kind of makes the Homestuck pilot a bummer to talk about now, because I feel like Hussie is being put into another high-ranking position of creative control and that’s not really exciting to me.

Plus, there’s the ever-present worry that if I say the wrong thing, a little red dot will appear on my forehead and I’ll be hit with a lawsuit. Also makes this less fun to talk about.

I still stand by Homestuck as a work of art that I think is really fucking good, but I’m not sure that this adaptation of it is for me. Honestly, I’m not sure if this adaptation is for anybody, but that could change. I think the Helluva Boss original pilot kind of sucked, but the show ended up being pretty good in my opinion, so maybe that’ll happen here. Who knows?

I’ve Met Jimmy From Mouthwashing: An Essay

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Mouthwashing is a game that has grabbed plenty of positive attention since its release in 2024. The game’s potent psychological horror, interesting storytelling, and thought-provoking use of symbolism make it both memorable and fascinating. It’s one of those things that’s impossible not to talk about once you’ve played it.

One often talked about aspect of the game is the characters; even if they seem simple near the beginning, by the end of the game they feel like real people and all of the horror that entails.

This game is intentionally disturbing for many reasons, but the characterization of Curly and Jimmy really got its hooks in me. They are disturbingly realistic portrayals of people who struggle to take responsibility for their own actions and other people’s actions that they could have prevented. One of them learns a very harrowing and challenging lesson about how the people you care about can turn out to be truly heinous, and the other one would literally rather die than learn anything. I want to cut these two open and really look at how their stories mirror everyday real world situations, because they’ve been living in my head rent free ever since I found out about this game.

If you have not played Mouthwashing, I highly recommend it. It can usually be finished in a few hours and is very narratively fulfilling. But, if you haven’t played it and want to keep reading, I will provide a very brief summary of events just so we all know what’s going on. Spoilers included, obviously.

Okay, so here’s what happens in Mouthwashing:

A spaceship carrying five crew members has crash landed, and we follow a non-linear telling of events that cuts between time before the crash and time after the crash. Before the crash, we are in the first person perspective of Captain Curly, a friendly man who’s been friends with the co-pilot for a long time. After the crash, we are in the first person perspective of Jimmy, the co-pilot who is clearly feeling some pressure and seems to have a shorter fuse. Curly was injured in the crash, rendering him immoble, mute, and in excruciating pain. He was found in the cockpit so it is assumed he crashed the ship on purpose. We find out that before the crash, the crew had just found out they had been fired as the company they work for is going bust, and Jimmy resents that Curly is the only one among them who can easily find a new career. The nurse, Anya, often seems to be upset and nervous, especially around Jimmy. The two remaining crew members are the young and silly Daisuke and the old and cynical Swansea. Jimmy is forced to give Curly pain meds as Anya is too disturbed by the pain feeding them to Curly causes him, and Jimmy seems to use this as a way to take out frustration on Curly. While it is not shown, there is even a scene where it sounds like Jimmy is beating him up. Things take a psychological horror turn as the crew discovers they’ve been transporting mouthwash and drink the alcoholic substance as they start to run out of supplies. In particular, Jimmy starts tripping out and thinking about hurting Curly. Before the crash, Anya had asked Curly why there are no locks on the sleeping quarters even though there are locks on the medical room, and Curly naively replies that the reason is “safety.” After the crash, Anya has locked herself in the medical room with Curly. Jimmy is worried for Curly’s safety, and convinces Daisuke to help him sneak past Swansea so they can climb in through a shattered vent. In the utility room, they discover that only one cryopod survived the crash, and Jimmy theorizes that Swansea was hiding it so he could escape after everyone else was dead. Jimmy manipulates Daisuke into crawling through the busted vent even though they both know it is very dangerous. Daisuke makes it to the other side but is mortally wounded in the process. They do not have enough medical supplies left to help him, so Swansea puts Daisuke out of his misery. Before the crash, we see that Anya told Curly she was pregnant, with the implication being that Jimmy assaulted her, and the pregnancy was the result of that. She has hidden the onboard gun because she knows Curly won’t let her use it to protect herself and she doesn’t want Jimmy to find it. After the crash, Jimmy finds the gun under Curly’s medical bed, and Curly starts laughing through his pain upon seeing Jimmy hold it. 

It’s revealed that Jimmy planned the crash after being confronted with Anya’s pregnancy. He told Curly that they would both go down as villains if this story ever got out, and that it would be preferable (to him) for this story to end in tragedy. Jimmy says he’ll take care of it, and Curly watches him walk away. 

After the crash, Anya’s dead body is found in the med room. She has taken pills. Swansea tries to kill Jimmy after realizing how dangerous he is, but Jimmy shoots him first, but not before Swansea gives one of the best monologues ever written about how he feels like his life as been a horrible waste, but at least he’s not like Jimmy, who can never see himself for the monster he truly is. 

Jimmy has a psychological freak out about being watched, he hurts Curly even further, he thinks about the pregnancy. Curly takes responsibility, because he knows he could have stopped this. At the end of all of that, Jimmy apologizes to Curly, says he can still fix it, and says they can still make it. He apologizes to Curly and only Curly. Jimmy is confronted by a spectre of the company they worked for, and it asks that if all of his apologies are genuine, and all of his alleged desire to now take responsibility is real, then “why are you still so concerned about him.” This is one of the only voiced lines in the game. 

Jimmy takes Curly’s mangled,but alive, body and puts it in the last cryopod. He’s saved Curly, and in his own mind, he’s a hero. “I’ve fixed this,” he says to Curly, before starting the cryopod. Jimmy leaves the screen, and a gunshot is heard. The game ends.

I think it’s very thematically important that the characters we are seeing from the perspective of are Curly and Jimmy, the two parties guilty of the most destruction either directly or indirectly. It puts the player in an uncomfortable position that just gets more and more uncomfortable as more information is revealed. Let’s talk about the perspective of Curly, because of the two POV characters, I think he’s more relatable to most people.

Curly’s characterization in the early game is extremely important, because he is nice to everyone. Including Anya, and including Jimmy. Compared to Jimmy’s abrasive attitude, he seems almost like a saint, and I think that’s what makes the reveals in the second half of the game so impactful. Anya has some key lines of dialogue, like saying “I told you” when Curly asks how she got pregnant, and her claiming she knows that Curly wouldn’t give her anything she could use to defend herself. The implication is that she at the very least, told Curly she didn’t feel safe around Jimmy, though it’s not entirely clear if she told him the details of the event. Even once it’s abundantly clear that Curly knows everything, knows what Jimmy did to Anya, knows that Jimmy is dangerous, he still wants to jump to his defence. He says “we can fix this” to him, he lets him go even though Jimmy basically just admitted that the ship crashing and everyone dying would be a good thing for him. This is what I mean about the terrifying nuance this game is written with, because while it is easy and necessary to judge Curly for letting it get this out of hand, it is also disturbingly easy to understand his perspective. Curly is kind, but forgiving to a fault, and his emotional bond with Jimmy makes it really fucking hard for him to turn on Jimmy. I feel like I see people like Curly all of the time. I feel like I’ve been Curly before to a slightly less dramatic extent. Like far in my past, I’ve been the one hearing about a friend of mine doing terrible things, and just not being able to process it at first. “How could that be?” Is the internal conversation. “That’s not what that person’s like around me.” It’s really tough music to face, but it’s also necessary. Within the past decade, there’s been an increasing rise of hate-movements in North America, and sometimes you’ll hear about people who have lost friends who have fallen down the hate pipeline. It’s sad and upsetting, but what’s even more sad and upsetting is people who have lost friends down the hate pipeline but…refuse to actually lose them, and refuse to save them. What I mean by that is I’ve heard a lot of people saying stuff like “oh yeah this person believes in this form of bigotry, or in this form of horrifying violence, but you know. They’re still a nice person even though they believe those things.” And like, I’m going to talk a lot in this video later about how people who do horrible things obviously aren’t born horrible and aren’t some different type of bad person. People are people, and it’s important to see the humanity in even the worst people, but there is an extremely meaningful difference between seeing someone’s humanity and being complicit. Like lightly disapproving of your friend’s harmful actions isn’t going to make the world a better place if you continue to play defense for them in such a way that allows them to perpetuate that harm. Curly learned that in the most difficult way possible; he found himself the victim of Jimmy’s violence after he was horrifically injured in Jimmy’s planned crash. Tale as old as time. The scene of Curly fully and completely realizing how right Anya was when Jimmy finds the gun is going to be playing in my head, possibly forever. Like I said, I’ve been Curly, I’ve met Curly, hell, I’ve probably met some Jimmys without even being aware of it, and that is an intense emotion to explore.

There’s a very striking motif in the game, and that is Curly’s exposed eye. His entire body is either covered by bandages or burnt so badly it no longer resembles human flesh, but his one eye is always wide open. I think the reason so much attention is drawn to it is because it is both Curly’s crime and punishment. He was told to some extent that Jimmy was dangerous by Anya, and he heard Jimmy’s unhinged ramblings about how this scenario would go away if it ended with tragedy, and he just observes. He doesn’t do anything about the red flags being waved in front of his face, he just watches as things get worse. After the crash, now that he has become a victim of Jimmy’s actions, he has all of this information. Jimmy crashed the ship, Jimmy assaulted Anya, you need to protect yourself from Jimmy, but he can’t say anything. Again, he just watches as things get worse, but this time it’s not of his own volition. 

To transition into our talk about Jimmy, I want to go back to something I said earlier; the whole “they must be a nice person because they’re nice to me” mentality. It’s important here because it’s the exact same philosophy Jimmy uses to convince himself that he’s been redeemed, just turned inward. In other words, he only thinks about his redemption through how he treats Curly. 

Jimmy has hurt and /or killed every single person aboard this ship. But at the end, all of his apologies and remorse is directed towards Curly in specific. That’s why the horse mascot calls him out for only being concerned about “him.” “Him” being Curly. Even before his apologies, he’s focused on Curly to a point where it actually hurts the other crew members. Anya had been showing some pretty serious red flags, but when she locks herself in medical, Jimmy’s focus is on Curly. On saving Curly from Anya. He has Daisuke go into a broken and electrified vent even though he knows it’s dangerous as fuck, because he’s more worried about Curly. 

The thing about Jimmy is that he, either subconsciously or consciously, doesn’t recognize the humanity in his other crewmates. This is also something very real that I see a lot of real life people use to overcome cognitive dissonance. “I must be a nice person because I treat people nicely, just don’t pay attention to how I treat this other group of people. That doesn’t count.” Once again, my brain jumps to the recent rise of hate groups and how people cling to every positive thing they’ve ever done as a justification for them to be hateful towards anyone that doesn’t fall under their umbrella of humanity. It’s not much of a moral philosophy if certain groups are excluded from it. Even the worst people out there are nice to the people they like. 

The elephant in the room, or rather the talking horse mascot in the room, is Anya. Jimmy’s mistreatment of her is the catalyst for every single disaster that happens afterwards, and his refusal to take responsibility for that mistreatment is what got the person he does care about, Curly, hurt. But it doesn’t come up to him. He has all of these visions about hurting Curly and running away from representations of the unborn child, but not Anya. In fact, there’s a part of the game where he very deliberately doesn’t perceive Anya. He goes into the med room after she ended her own life, and his psyche blurs out that part of the room. Part of this visual obstruction is for dramatic effect for the player’s benefit, but it doubles as a piece of Jimmy’s perspective; of his refusal to take any responsibility for her death.

There’s a phrase that’s repeated throughout the game “our worst moments don’t make us monsters.” Jimmy uses that one while talking to the horse mascot before he’s cut off. In fairness, I also believe this statement to be true, but in a very different way than how Jimmy is interpreting it. Our worst moments don’t make us monsters, not because every transgression is forgivable, but because there is nothing separating those perceived as monsters from regular people.

Another psychological mechanism people use to keep their own self-image morally just is to view “bad people” as some sort of separate type of people. A group that they simply do not belong to. “I am not a bad person, because I’m not one of those people.” This is another factor that makes Jimmy’s story uncomfortably realistic. The thing is, there is no separate type of person that are the bad guys. Perfectly normal people are capable of doing monstrous things. People are capable of changing for the better and for the worse. That’s what makes being a Curly so gut wrenching; watching someone you know is capable of good go down a harmful path, one on which you cannot follow. That’s why it’s important to recognize the humanity of people you hate, because if you don’t, you’re creating a mental barrier that protects yourself from self-reflection; from the ability to recognize the harmful parts of your own personality. I’m going to bring up something I brought up in my Hazbin Hotel video (and yes, I’m aware that it’s deranged to bring up fucking Hazbin Hotel in a Mouthwashing video, but let me cook). In that video I stated that anyone can be redeemed, not everyone will be redeemed, and even if someone is redeemed, you don’t have to forgive them. Jimmy is someone who will never be redeemed and that is by his own choice. After doing one sort of heroic thing at the end, Jimmy ends his own life. This way he never has to face consequences for anything he did to his crewmates. He never has to take responsibility. 

There is another guilty party among the crew, another entity that made things worse, and that is Pony Express; the company that owns the ship. While Curly and Jimmy dodge responsibility for their own emotional convenience, Pony Express is using deliberate obfuscation to distract from the fact that they are a bad company. They have a cute mascot and all of these little flyers with safety and work tips on them, and they also get rid of employees with no severance pay, don’t provide locks for the sleeping quarters, and are extremely cut-throat about how much pay and work the crew are expected to make and do respectively. 

Pony Express also makes the Tulpar situation worse by creating such a drastic power imbalance between the crew and the captain. The captain is the only one with access to certain supplies, including weapons. Once Jimmy becomes captain, he also gains access to those privileges. This implies that either a) Pony Express assumes whoever’s in the captain position will always be responsible, which is naive or b) Pony Express doesn’t really give a fuck about the crew beyond the person who is in charge. They have some level of responsibility to make sure their crew is in a safe work environment, and they did an amazingly bad job at that. This could have been a very different story if they had just included locks in the sleeping quarters. 

This game offers a lot of food for thought. I’ve both played it and watched many other people play it on YouTube, and watching people go through the game is consistently fascinating to me. I love noticing what other people pick up on, how they interpret certain pieces of dialogue, and how their feelings on the characters change throughout the narrative. The game ends rather abruptly, with Jimmy ending his life offscreen and Curly’s cryopod starting to freeze while the credits play over it. It doesn’t have a nicely wrapped conclusion and it doesn’t spoon feed you the moral of the story. You’re kind of just left there in space after watching this whole scenario unfold, and you have to unpack your own feelings. Maybe this essay is kind of the same way.

Torn Apart: Body and Mind in The Substance

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The Substance is one of the best movies I’ve seen in years. The story follows an aging actress who is attempting to preserve her fame and beauty by taking an experimental drug that splits her consciousness between herself and another body. Both versions of the actress need to keep switching places and the younger body needs the older body to survive. What follows is a movie full of themes about self-image and Hollywood, as well as avant garde directing and lots and lots of blood and body horror. The practical effects in this movie are amazing, but unfortunately, I can’t show most of them without getting demonetized. I think this movie strikes the perfect balance of somehow feeling both universal and incredibly niche; the messages it’s communicating are understandable and touch on something most people can relate to, but the presentation is out-there enough to make the movie extremely memorable. There’s a lot of conversation surrounding this movie, but I’m struck with the feeling that even the people who like it are kind of underselling it by making it seem simpler than it is. Don’t get me wrong, there is definitely a simplicity to this movie that is a good thing. It’s like a modern-day fable, and I think presenting itself as that sort of digestible story will result in some staying power. It’s just that, while watching this film, I found certain scenes resonating with me in a very specific way. It can be read as not just a film about body image issues and societal standards, but also about having a complicated relationship with your own body and mind in a more general way. Or at least, I think that’s the case. This film isn’t just about body horror, it’s about the horror of even having a body.

But before I get too deep into that, let’s try to digest the film’s core themes; the ones that are making this movie part of the cultural conversation. The protagonist of the film, Elizabeth, is clearly dealing with self-esteem issues, but those issues didn’t just manifest themselves out of nowhere. Her producer talks about her like a thing that needs to be discarded because of her age, and the pressures of Elizabeth’s career make pretty privilege a thing of necessity in her industry. Elizabeth basically feels backed into a corner; her old life and career are being stripped away from her for reasons she has no control over.

She takes the titular substance as a perceived method of regaining control. She uses the younger body, who she names “Sue,” to regain her job, her status, and all of the social privileges that come with being perceived as attractive. Here, the substance is basically a stand in for cosmetic surgery. The fable-eque nature of the movie starts to become clear when Sue begins to abuse the substance. She needs Elizabeth’s spinal fluid to keep herself stable, and starts taking too much of it in order to spend more time in her young body. Doing this harms Elizabeth both physically and mentally. Sue’s abuse of the substance kit causes Elizabeth to age rapidly, but it should be noted that even before Sue started indulging herself, Elizabeth was suffering negative psychological effects. She quickly starts to sink into a depression and isolates herself from others. By creating this other self that she sees as more deserving and worthy than she is, she actually makes herself self-esteem worse, at least for the periods in which she inhabits her original body. She is alienated from herself literally by being split in two, but also mentally. There’s a scene where she’s on the phone with the provider of the substance and she mentions that Sue needs to control herself, and her provider reminds her that she needs to control herself. She and Sue are the same person, but neither version of her feels that way. Elizabeth views Sue as selfish while Sue views Elizabeth as pathetic. If this film was less fantastical, this dynamic could still exist mentally, and probably does for a lot of people. Self-loathing and poor self-esteem go hand in hand.

Even though Elizabeth is kind of the creator of her own demise, she is still a victim of her circumstance, which is being an older woman in Hollywood and, as a result, internalizing the male gaze. G A Z E. The male gaze is an idea that Laura Mulvey wrote about in her 1975 essay, “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema.” The idea is that works of art are often adopting the perspective of heterosexual men. If the man behind the camera is taking that perspective, then the camera is taking that perspective. If the camera is taking that perspective, then the audience is forced into that perspective as well. During the scenes where Sue is filming her show, there are many shots that focus on her ass to a degree that is almost comical. I think this is meant to reflect the perspective that Sue, and by extension, Elizabeth, have adopted. They are viewing themselves through the male gaze, so successfully exciting the viewers of their program adds to their perceived self-worth.

Or, maybe these scenes are just to show that Sue is hot? I don’t know for sure that this is a subversion of the male gaze in that it’s supposed to show the way in which it’s been internalized by this woman, but in my opinion, that’s what the director was going for.

The next aspect of The Substance that I want to talk about is related to Sue’s abuse of Elizabeth’s body and Elizabeth’s disapproval of it, but in order to really discuss that aspect of the film, I’m going to have to share a little bit about myself. There are reasons that certain scenes in this film resonated with me to a point where I felt I had to make a post about it, and I feel like if I don’t explain those reasons, then my arguments in this section will fall pretty flat. So, before we continue talking about The Substance, here’s the story of how I fucked up my face by accident…but also on purpose.

Like many North American women, I take part in the grooming practice of plucking my eyebrows to keep them looking…clean, I guess. A few years ago, I was going through I kind of stressful time at my day job and realized that I had been overplucking my eyebrows to the point that they looked much thinner than I wanted them to be. So, naturally I stopped plucking them and let them grow out. Except…I didn’t do that. Every time I walked past a mirror, or ran a hand across my face, I would get distracted by just…a hair, or sometimes, a few hairs, that felt out of place for reasons I couldn’t articulate. I didn’t want to keep plucking and thinning them out but if I ignored the hairs, then the hairs were the only thing I could think about for the next several hours. Eventually I would give in and either pluck them out with tweezers or, if those weren’t available, I would try to pull them out with my hands. Over the course of several weeks, this went from something I considered a “bad habit” that I needed to overcome, and into something that was kind of ruining my life for reasons that, even now with the benefit of hindsight, are really hard to describe. I started pulling at my hair so much that calluses were forming on my fingers. I would have a hard time convincing myself that I really wanted to stop pulling my hair when my face was two inches away from a mirror with tweezers digging under the skin to make sure I was getting the roots out. There was often blood on my tweezers, and I was giving myself scabs on my face which did not deter me even a little bit. Soon I also started pulling out the hairs on my head that were going gray despite not being self-conscious about them. They just looked different, and that made them stand out, which made me want to pluck them out. Over the course of, I don’t know, maybe a few weeks? I went from having thin eyebrows to no eyebrows and, despite me desperately wanting them to grow back, any time a new hair appeared I would pluck it out.

After talking to a friend and trying to verbalize the nightmarish feeling of wanting to stop pulling out my hair, being technically able to stop pulling my hair, but still being unable to stop, I finally just called my doctor.

It turns out I had a condition called “trichotillomania,” which is a disorder where you feel the irresistible urge to pull out your hair. It’s often triggered by stress. I’m doing a lot better now, but it was an especially rough period for me, and an especially rough period for the relationship between my brain and body.

So…The Substance.

I’m almost positive that Coralie Fargeat, who wrote and directed The Substance, was mostly focused on the themes of the film that I already talked about earlier. Beauty standards, plastic surgery, body image, etc.  But I think she also tapped into something really resonant for people who suffer from compulsive self-harm.

The scene where Elizabeth reacts to her overly aged finger made me think of the time I came back from a friend’s place, saw myself in the mirror, and realized my entire left eyebrow was gone. The scene where Elizabeth is pleading with herself to just stop overtaking when she becomes Sue felt real and visceral. The scene where Elizabeth can’t even leave her house because she can’t stop obsessing over herself in the mirror was probably the most horrific part of this horror movie. Sue screaming at Elizabeth to control herself makes me feel insane.

These scenes don’t necessarily speak to themes of body image issues, nor do they specifically speak to my weird experience that I shared like four paragraphs ago. They just speak to the feeling of hating yourself. Or, more specifically, hating what you’re doing to yourself.

This is kind of what I meant when I said up top that I think this film captures the horror of just having a body. There are things about your body that you can control, things that you can’t control, and things that contradict your own wellbeing whether that be physical or mental. Amanda the Jedi made a video about The Substance where she mentions the idea of drug addiction. I think that’s also an applicable metaphor; something you might want to stop and that you know is hurting you, but you just feel like you can’t stop regardless. Things like some eating disorders or other body focused repetitive behaviours might also fall under this umbrella. Amanda also brings up The Picture of Dorian Grey, which is a classic novel in which the protagonist doesn’t age or degrade despite his lifestyle, but a painting of him does. At the end of that novel, Dorian destroys what he views as the wretched painting, which then also destroys him. The scene in The Substance where Sue almost kills Elizabeth, but then realizes she can’t without also destroying herself was very reminiscent of that novel for me. While Sue might hate herself, she is still bound by that body.

The violence Elizabeth and Sue are inflicting on themselves/each other are most obviously a metaphor for cosmetic procedures, which are a kind of self-inflicted violence. It comes with legitimate risks and can be motivated by self-loathing. In the case of Elizabeth, that is the most applicable metaphor as it is so heavily ingrained in the industry she works in.

That being said, I don’t want anyone to interpret this video as being like, staunchly morally against anyone who’s had cosmetic procedures. Bodily autonomy is a good thing. Having the option to change things about your body is a net positive. I would much rather live in a world where everyone has freedom over their body, even if that means they might make mistakes, than I would live in a world where other people dictate what you can and can’t do. What you can and can’t look like.

Full disclosure; after my whole eyebrow fiasco I did get microblading and I do not regret it. That’s also worth interrogating though. It was kind of expensive and it might be a bit motivated by self-esteem issues; I didn’t like the way I looked and I wanted to change that. It is something I had to reflect on and I came to the conclusion that it was a decision based on my own internal lens.

I mentioned earlier that Sue and Elizabeth are viewing themselves through the way that others perceive them. The male gaze, the audience, their fans, their producer, anyone but themselves. It made me think of a Ted X Talk I watched a few years ago by Robert Hoge. He’s had some facial deformities from birth and, when he was a teenager, he was given the opportunity to undergo additional surgeries to fix his appearance. The thing was, the surgery had a 25% change of making him blind. While he was considering this, one of his siblings said “what use is it being pretty if he can’t even see himself?” Hoge says that’s the moment where he started to own his face; thinking about it from his perspective instead of other people’s.

And I’m not going to pretend I had some huge, noticeable, life altering problem just because I had no eyebrows. I had multiple people think it was an aesthetic choice I made willingly, and I hilariously had someone point out to me that sparse or bleached eyebrows were actually in style, and I don’t even think they were lying. The thing was, while I did care a little bit about how other people were perceiving me, I also cared about how I was perceiving me. My face was reminding me of a pretty weird and stressful time, and it’s not how I wanted it to look. So, I changed it.

It would be super easy to end this video there and say “oh, we all just need to always know exactly when we’re doing something for ourselves and when we’re doing it for other people and then the problem will be solved,” but it’s obviously a bit more complicated than that. The line between we want and what other people want is sometimes very blurry. The Substance actually reveals the blurriness of that line, with Sue’s wants being Elizabeth’s wants, and Elizabeth’s wants being against her own best interest.

There’s a concept that I love in theory but struggle with in practice, and that is body neutrality. The concept is that you don’t need to love your body, you don’t need to find yourself attractive. You have a body the same way you have consciousness; it’s just what you are that’s that. It’s a nice idea but it’s also…difficult. There is an inherent dissonance between consciousness and the body. That’s what The Substance is about. That’s what this post is about. The body will not always tolerate what the mind wants and it can be agonizing.

I can’t confidently end this post by saying what you should or shouldn’t do with your body, so I’ll just offer some vague advice; try not to see your body as the enemy. Your body is a part of you, and even if it’s a part of you that you hate for one reason or another, it’s something you are going to have to work with in whatever way you choose. The Substance is a movie about a woman who hates her body, and that hatred extends to the other parts of herself and leads to her demise; doing something she’s knows she shouldn’t because she’s so desperate to not be herself anymore.

You are you, and that’s someone that you’ll always have to live with.

I Finally Watched Hazbin Hotel…

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In 2019, the YouTube channel VivziePop uploaded the pilot episode of a show called Hazbin Hotel; an adult animated musical about sinners in hell trying to redeem themselves to get into heaven. Despite being profane, odd, and basically impossible to market to a mainstream audience, the pilot saw great success and was picked up by A24 and Amazon. Its first season aired in January 2024.

As a fan of both musicals and adult animation, I of course…had completely forgotten about the pilot and didn’t even realize the show had been released. In the following weeks I heard snippets of news about it but didn’t realize how popular it was until I went to my local entertainment expo (for purely scientific purposes and not because I wanted Fear & Hunger fan art). Hazbin Hotel was fucking everywhere, both in the artist ally and cosplay. This kind of piqued my interest and when I looked into it, I saw that its public reception was…pretty much what you’d expect from anything that’s really popular in geek culture. It had a huge following, but with that following it also had plenty of detractors. The verdict seemed to be half “this show is great!” and half “this is the most cringe thing to come out this decade.” So, I sat down with a full bottle of green apple liqueur and decided to watch it myself and my opinion is…complicated. Shades of grey, you might say.

While watching it, I just kept thinking about how there’s a really good show trapped in here somewhere, but it’s being held back by mediocre writing. So, consider this post a critique but also a sort of appreciation post? Like I want to break this show open and get to the core but in doing so I have to talk about all of the bullshit as well.

In the sake of fairness, I will say that there is one aspect of the show that I have absolutely no problem with, and that would be the music. If this show had been released as just an album this would be a very different video. “You Didn’t Know” and “Loser Baby” fuck severely, “Poison”, “Hell’s Greatest Dad,” and “Hell is Forever” are all bangers. “More Than Anything” is great and everything else ranges from ‘okay’ to ‘really good.’ The songs are story specific, they move the plot forward, the singing is great, there are some really good lyrics here and there, the visuals are fun and dynamic, and it’s just really good at being a musical.

Ok, so. Now onto the rest of the show.

One of the first things that stands out to people is the art style. This aspect of the show has been mocked repeatedly, and I kind of see why. On the one hand I like that it’s a distinct style from other Western animated shows, especially comedies. On the other hand, some of these characters are severely overdesigned. I think Lucifer and Angel Dust actually look pretty good, but Husk looks like something a child drew and Alastor looks so much like someone’s 2008 Kuroshitsuji OC that it makes me feel insane. The DeviantArt-esque aesthetic is probably the easiest thing to clown on when it comes to this show, but it’s by no means the worst thing about it. That would be the writing.

One of my minor problems with the show is how half-baked the plot seems, especially for a show aimed at adults. It feels like the creators had an idea of where the show was going, knew the key plot points to get there, and how they wanted it to resolve. But for some reason they didn’t take any of that into account when writing individual episodes, so sometimes the show will just contradict itself in ways that seem incredibly obvious. For example, there’s a scene where the main character’s partner, Vaggie, goes to learn how to defeat angels, who are the big threat of the season. This starts a musical number where the weapons dealer explains to Vaggie that she needs to stop fighting for revenge and instead fight for love. The song is good, and the idea of the scene is fine, but it also doesn’t make a lick of sense. If you have not seen this show before, it is very important that you understand that Vaggie has at no point been fighting for revenge. As the audience, we didn’t even know she had a history with angels until the episode before this scene, and after it was revealed, she seemed mad at them but not hungry for revenge. In fact, her main motivation for the entire season seems to be that she cares for her partner and wants to help her. So, this face of realization she makes when the weapons dealer explains that she needs to fight for the person she cares for just doesn’t make any sense. This is not new information for her, so why is she acting like it is?

In this same scene, the audience is told a crucial piece of information; angels can only be harmed by angelic weapons. Those are the exact terms and the exact stakes. It is explained very, very clearly that angels fight without armor and with little defense because they can only be harmed with angelic weapons. They’ve been allowed to execute demons with almost no issue for thousands of years because the only thing that can harm them is angelic steel, which is not easy to get. The main characters are only equipped to fight after they have been given angelic steel by this arms dealer.

But then that just doesn’t matter. The angels can totally be harmed by things other than angelic weapons even though we are told in no uncertain terms that that’s not the case. People are fighting with their usual weapons and it doesn’t look like they’ve been upgraded at all. Did that happen off screen? Then a building falls on one and she seems pretty harmed by it. She loses a goddamn arm for fucks sake. Based on what we were told I was expecting it to be a badass scene where all of this rubble falls on her and then she just gets up like it’s nothing, but no. I guess that building was conveniently made out of angelic steel this whole time.

And before you come into my comments section and tell me that they meant that angels could only be killed by angelic weapons, then why did they specifically say they could only be harmed by angelic weapons like 6000 times? Either way it’s inconsistent.

These little things are something I could ignore if they were issues in a one-off episode. Like, I don’t expect any show with supernatural elements, especially a comedy, to have complete rock-solid continuity 100% of the time. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a show with supernatural or magic systems not fuck up at least one rule. If this angelic weapons thing was contradicted like 100 episodes later, I probably wouldn’t have noticed or cared. But these aren’t just little things, they are directly related to the main conflict of the entire season. It just feels needlessly sloppy.

If you think that’s nitpicking, that’s fine, I get it. Maybe you’re mostly watching this as a comedy and don’t care about any of that stuff. But my main issue with the show is that I personally don’t find it very funny. There’s a very occasional joke that makes me laugh, but a lot of the earlier episodes give me second-hand embarrassment. There’s a lot of Charlie making an ass out of herself by coming up with these bad ideas to try to redeem these people, and a lot of Sir Pentious just being embarrassing. I’m just not a fan of that style of humor, and I don’t think the rest of the comedy is much stronger. A lot of it feels weirdly juvenile, like I can see the punchlines coming from a mile away, or sometimes the joke is just that someone says something sexual. Not even a joke that is sexual, that’s fine with me personally. But sometimes the sexuality is supposed to be the joke, as though it’s pushing taboo to have adult content in an adult show.

I think that’s why this show developed a reputation as being kind of cringe, and why it’s maybe breached containment from its intended audience. When I was at the entertainment expo (for purely scientific purposes and not because I wanted to buy artbooks) I couldn’t help but notice that a lot of the cosplayers looked younger than 18. This feels like a show that edgy teenagers would really like. It has YA energy, which is weird since it’s marketed as this really vulgar show that deals with dark topics. In practice, I found a lot of the dialogue really simplistic, with a lot of exposition and characters saying out-loud exactly what their deal is. That writing style combined with the juvenile humor makes show feel like a hot mess. Like it’s probably too much for a lot of teenagers but not enough for most adults, if that makes sense.

If I’m being honest at the risk of completely burning my reputation, if you’re aching for a show with a similar style but that’s actually funny, I kind of recommend Helluva Boss, which is Hazbin Hotel’s sister show. It’s a web series published by VivziePop and set in the same universe but following a completely different cast with a completely different premise. And I’m not saying that Helluva Boss is a comedic masterpiece or anything; there’s still plenty to criticize. Not every joke lands, there’s at least one episode that kills me with second-hand embarrassment, and there are some scenes that are dark to the point of being absurd but are played dead straight for some reason. If you hate Hazbin Hotel because it’s over the top and they say the fuck word, you will hate this show just as much. With all of that said, I watched these two shows back-to-back, and the disparity of quality was shocking despite them being so similar. I just think Helluva Boss has better jokes, better dialogue, more interesting characters, it looks better in every conceivable way, and feels more age-appropriate most of the time. The universe also feels a bit more cartoony, and I’m therefore more willing to suspend disbelief when some stupid shit happens. The only thing I think is a downgrade from Hazbin Hotel is the soundtrack, but that could change. Bryce Pinkham and his Phantom-of-the-Opera-ass voice are doing a lot for season 2 so far. Also, the show is free on YouTube so you don’t have to pay Jeff Bezos to watch it. I personally recommend starting with episode one and not the pilot, because there was clearly some course correction in between those two things.

(Watch, now that I’ve said all of this, the rest of season two is going to suck just to prove me wrong and make this post age like milk.)

Okay, I’m almost done my Helluva Boss tangent, but I do want to talk about the protagonist and how his development compares to Charlie’s. He’s not a likeable guy but it’s established quite early that his personality is the result of psychological issues. He’s afraid of intimacy, he assumes people look down on him, and he lashes out. It’s a good set up for a character arc, and in subsequent episodes we see it play out.

Charlie is a much more likable protagonist, but I feel like she speed-runs all of her development to the point where some of it just gets skipped over. I like the bit in the second last episode where she learns to trust Vaggie again; I thought that was fine. But I found it odd that the first half of the show sets up that she has these daddy issues that she needs to get over. The animosity between her and her father basically disappears once they’re in the same room together. They have a bit of a disagreement where he’s a bit over protective, but that’s resolved in one song. Her daddy issues just cease to be.

I also thought the show was setting up an arc where she learns that acting as a supervisor to her clients isn’t as helpful as building emotional relationships with them and understanding them, but her redemption plan is working anyways, even though the methods she was trying weren’t what was working. She doesn’t seem to realize this, and is vindicated without fixing any of her faults or learning anything. It seems very rushed, like we needed to solve Charlie’s hotel problem before the end of the season, so we skipped the part where she learns what redemption really means outside of a dictionary definition.

So now that we’ve gotten through all of the bullshit, I do want to talk about an aspect of the show that I really like and think could be great, and that’s how it communicates its themes.

In this show’s universe, many citizens of hell don’t actually like the idea redemption. Many are set up as antagonists, and even more are used as background comedic characters to show how brutal hell is. I’m bring this up because while I was looking up stuff about this show, I heard a reviewer say that, because the denizens of hell are so horrible, the angels should actually be in the right for wanting to get rid of them. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone miss the point of something so badly.

Like, the point is that if you declare an entire group of people to be undeserving of humanity, and then use that declaration to justify the persecution and genocide of that group of people, you aren’t actually making anything better. It’s just perpetuating a cycle of misery. It probably feels good to be righteously angry, and it can be darkly satisfying when someone you don’t like is punished. I’m not immune to those feelings and I honestly don’t think anyone is, but I also don’t want to live in a world governed by my least rational and most sadistic impulses. Lucifer tells Charlie that her people suck, and he’s not wrong in a lot of cases, but they are still people, and it’s wrong to rob them of any chance of redemption just because hating them feels good and just. “Extermination is entertainment,” as Adam puts it.

The way the angels’ morality system works reminds me of how real life hate groups start to get people on their side. They start with some sort of common enemy that everyone can agree is bad, and then slowly expand the definition of the enemy. Once the definition reaches far enough, innocent people start to fall under the umbrella of “irredeemable” so their oppressors can justify their persecution while still feeling morally pure. Think of how in the court scene, Adam sees Angel Dust having one drink and declares that proves he has not been redeemed and deserves to still be in hell. The same fate given to serial killers is declared justified for Angel Dust because of one alcoholic beverage.

The rules for getting into heaven are vague and not fully thought out because defining them would make the idea of redemption seem less impossible, as demonstrated when Adam half-heartedly creates his criteria, only to then immediately have Angel Dust meet those criteria. The hypocrisy of Adam and Lute is pointed out in the song “You Didn’t Know.” Adam and Lute claim that hell is forever because sin is irreversible, but even though the morality of their actions is being very rightfully called into question, they see themselves as exempt from being sinners specifically because they are angels. It’s a self-sustaining philosophy where they can never do wrong and demons can only do wrong.  

My personal philosophy on redemption has three principles. 1. Anyone can improve. 2. Not everyone will improve. 3. Even if someone does improve, you are not morally obligated to forgive them. I’m not saying that’s objectively right, I’m just saying that is the lens through which I am approaching this show. I’m curious as to how a second season will progress things like Angel Dust’s character arc and Charlie’s understanding of what redemption even means.

That’s the hell side of things. On the heaven side of things, I think there’s surprisingly little talk about what Adam represents within the fandom. Adam gets talked about a lot, and it’s often valid criticism of the way his character is written. The frat boy bit gets old, and his motivations aren’t very complex. That’s fair. But I think it’s of note that this American show has included this specific type of antagonist; a raging misogynist who openly supports atrocities and abuses the powerful position he was born in to consolidate power and commit crimes. I think it’s a creative choice worth thinking about in the year of our lord 2024. As stupid and over the top as the bit might be, it does have some real-world parallels.

I like the ideas on display here. I just…wish they were in a better show.

I’ve heard it said that Hazbin Hotel is like a Broadway musical about redemption, and I couldn’t agree more. I agree to the point where I genuinely wish this story had come out as a Broadway musical, because I think that would have been a much better way of telling it. Cut the cringe, replace the over-the-top designs with stylized costumes, focus even more on the songs and this would probably be a success. I mean, it was already a success, but it would probably be more…watchable.

As it stands, I kind of liked half of this season. The last three episodes basically abandon being a comedy, which makes them far more enjoyable in my opinion, and I thought a lot of episode four was really good. Heck, I like the songs, and it’s not like those are an insignificant part of this musical.

Even though I wish it were better, I am insanely happy that this show even exists. The pilot being picked up and the later success of Helluva Boss were pretty significant wins for independent animation. I’ve also been thinking a lot about my relationship with explicit art recently, probably because of all of the Funger I’ve been playing, and I do have an appreciation mature art and its ability to thrive despite being for an inherently niche audience. I like it when creative risks pay off and I’m earnestly glad this show was a success. I’ll definitely watch season two even if it’s just for the soundtrack.

Okay, those are my thoughts on season one of Hazbin Hotel. It’s kind of a mess but I didn’t hate it. I thought it was okay.

The divine tragedy of fear & hunger: termina

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Fear & Hunger: Termina is everything I could have wanted from a Fear & Hunger sequel. It has more complex characters, it’s easier to navigate menus, the soundtrack is amazing, and it has the same insane design philosophy as the first game.

The only thing I think is a downgrade is the surprising number of typos and spelling mistakes, but for the sake of my sanity and this video, I’ll pretend that doesn’t bother me.

This game is a lot more focused on the psychology and motivations of the player characters than the first game was. It also focuses more on the theme of people becoming corrupted versions of themselves. The first game had an element of this, with the God of the Depths influencing the staff of the dungeons. The influence of the God of the Depths made people like the guards and Crow Mauler into beings of pure libido and destrudo, while the influence of Rher in the second game creates more individualized and complex beings and isn’t limited to enemies. NPCs and player characters can be affected by Rher, and I think this helps add depth to those characters’ stories. Today I want to talk about my own interpretations of the moonscorched contestants, and how I think the concept of moonscorching relates to the lore and grander themes of the Fear & Hunger series.

Also, here’s a disclaimer to say that these are just my interpretations. I am not the first person to make a post about the moonscorched and I’m sure I won’t be the last. Feel free to disagree with me or let me know what your thoughts are in the comments.

Also, this post won’t include August or Pav because, at time of writing, they don’t have moonscorched forms.

Let’s start with the Gentleman, as he’s likely the first moonscorched contestant the player will meet.

The Gentleman is one of the more coherent moonscorched forms. He’s able to communicate with ease, but there’s clear dissonance between how he views himself and how he actually appears. He acts proper and sophisticated and wants to discuss art and poetry, but he appears monstrous. There’s also a suppressed sexual element to the Gentleman. He kidnaps Marina, but doesn’t do anything to her. He serves all of these extremely phallic dishes to the player, but is offended if you point out that the food looks like sex organs. Henryk, when he’s still himself, clearly has an interest in women and sex. He cat-calls Abella and mentions having a fling in the past. But we know he’s also a failed artist turned chef. Henryk has this self-image of someone highly sophisticated, but also has these suppressed desires that make him appear improper. The Gentleman is a combination of his ideal self-image and the undesirable aspects of him that he tries to suffocate.

Mechanical Dance is a form that lacks the presence of an ideal self-image, and is instead a being of pure insecurity. It displays Olivia’s insecurity about being wheelchair bound. In this form, the chair has become a part of her, and she cries “I’ve always been this way” even though we know she didn’t get the wheelchair until she was a teenager. Her lower half also appears more machine like, likely representing feelings of jealousy towards her sister’s knowledge of machinery and technology.

Weeping Scope is one of the saddest moonscorched forms. It’s very literal and straightforward; Levi sees himself as a weapon since that’s how he was seen by others as a teenager. He also appears curled up and nude. This could represent a return to infancy since his entire childhood was lost due to abuse and the military. Alternatively, the lack of genitals could represent a disconnect he feels from sex after being in the orphanage. The Sylvian circle in the orphanage and the fight with a naked Father Hugo carry some implications with them, so it’s possible that Levi wishes those parts of him didn’t exist.

The Monster is pretty straightforward in a lot of ways. Caligura is a predator; he tries to assault Abella and is clearly more interested in his own gratification than the feelings of others. The Monster is a giant sex organ who is asking the player to pleasure him. On top of being about sexual gratification, his demand of service is also related to his desire for domination in a more general sense. There’s a scene where Caligura asks Levi to lick his shoes clean. Caligura is a sadist. He enjoys humiliating others to boost his own ego.

The Cocoon is all about the relationship between Marina and her father. In this form, Marina isn’t merely a transformed being, but a host for the Cocoon; a mass of bagged flesh representing the remains of her father’s body. He’s a controlling force here, which is what he wanted to be over Marina, and was something Marina tried to escape from. Here she is seen as a force for his life instead of her own. Something of note is that Marina’s head appears between her legs. This could represent her own dysphoria over having male sex organs, or another representation of her father’s desires. He wanted what was in between her ears to match what was between her legs.

Judgement is another one that’s pretty straightforward. Tanaka is a salaryman who is clearly concerned about his job. His moonscorched form has broken through the proverbial glass ceiling; an act that has left him broken and bleeding. The glass piercing into his skin also evokes imagery of self-harm, like jumping through a window or landing on a windshield. He’s holding a whip as if he is his own master; forcing himself to do labour by causing himself pain.

Dysmorphia is radiating. She’s big and bright and open, which contrasts to Samarie’s shy personality. Samarie is seen hiding and running away on multiple occasions, but here she is demanding attention. This form is all about revealing who she is. The skin on her face is split open and pulled back, and the skin on her body is translucent. This transparency, on top of being a way of revealing herself, could also represent the withering away of her body, as the ninth circle has reduced her lifespan. It’s not surprising the Samarie feels a disconnect between her and her body after treated more like an object than a person in Vatican City.

The Giant is a brutish and violent creature which…isn’t at all what Marcoh is. Much like Olivia and Levi, Marcoh’s moonscorched form reveals his insecurity more so than his actual desires or personality. The Marcoh we see in the game is kind. He helps Olivia, he tries to stop party members who are committing murder, and his backstory reveals that much of his life has been spent protecting his younger sister. But, to an outside observer, Marcoh’s stature might make him appear more like a thug than a gentle giant, and Marcoh’s own history of violence has distorted his own self-image. Marcoh is a killer, but only because he wasn’t given much of a choice. It was either kill for the mafia, or let his sister die at the hands of Riccardo. Marcoh is a victim of circumstance, but his moonscorched cry of “guilt, guilt, guilt” reveals how he feels about the whole ordeal.

Mastermind is, relatively speaking, very human. That is, if you ignore the large exposed brain that’s consuming O’saa’s head. O’saa reminds me a lot of Enki, but with a higher charisma score. I guess this isn’t surprising since they both have the enlightened soul. I think a key difference is that, while Enki was a bit of a selfish bastard, he was far more interested in knowledge than he was in power, whereas O’saa is kind of the opposite. His moonscorched form has the ability to regenerate lost limbs, which I think represents O’saa’s desire to be an unbeatable force. While the exposed brain might be a symbol of victory; a symbol that he has become the mastermind pursuing his own goals, the fact that the brain has enveloped him could represent the corruption that his desires may foster, or a fear of being under something else’s control.

Much like Henryk, Karin’s moonscorched form is a mix between how she wants to see herself and how she actually feels. A Valkyrie is a mythological being that guides the souls of deceased soldiers to heaven. Karin, a journalist who has covered wars, wants to think of herself that way. But the form she takes is more reminiscent of a vulture; a creature that benefits from the death of others. The soldiers on her back also look like the bellend enemies; phallic looking soldiers who presumably have Bremen ties. If this is in fact the case, the fact that she’s (supposedly) carrying them to heaven might represent a sort of cognitive dissonance she feels by showing respect to Bremen (aka the place where she grew up, but a place where she despises the leadership and military). Alternatively, if it’s the vulture reading, she might, subconsciously or not, enjoy benefiting from the downfall of the Bremens.

Okay, here’s where I’ll admit some there are some gaps in my analysis. I’m a little bit lost on Chaugnar, just because I don’t think any aspect of the creature relates to Abella’s character history. That being said, this is a complex game with tons and tons of interactions, so even though I’ve tried to do my due diligence, it’s possible that there’s something I missed that explains everything. In the meantime, I do still have some theories. The most common one I’ve heard is that Chaugnar’s big and bulky appearance is tied to Abella’s insecurity about having a traditionally masculine job. After playing the game myself, I actually think it might be the opposite. Abella is, without a doubt, the most sexualized character within the game. Henryk cat-calls her and tries to flirt with her, Caligura tries to assault her, and if you confess to O’saa that you have feelings for someone from the train, he assumes it’s the girl with red hair. I’m wondering if it’s possible that Chaugnar appears so bulky and menacing because Abella would rather be feared than sexualized. Chaugnar is an expression of power in a world where she may feel powerless. If you have Daan in your party, he can perform medical diagnosis and states that the thing on her face could be a parasite. This is probably similar to the parasite on the woodsman, which is unambiguously a phallic symbol. The presence of this symbol on Abella could contribute to either the “uncomfortable with masculinity” reading, or the “uncomfortable with feminine sexuality” reading. Either way, I still think it’s a kind of ambiguous reading based more on other characters than Abella.

So, now that we’re done talking about the elephant, I think it’s time we talked about the cat in the room.

During Daan’s character history, it’s stated that his parents were members of a Sylvian cult who donned rabbit masks and performed rituals in the woods. If you’ve played the first game, you know exactly what this means, and if you haven’t played the first game, you can still figure it out through context clues. Once you learn that Sylvian is the god of love and fertility, it probably clicks into place. And this is deeply disturbing, because there’s a part in Daan’s history that contains the line, “to make it worse, they even tried to pass on the healing gift of Sylvian to you.” This has some…pretty dark implications, and I think those implications are meant to be considered fact…because Daan turns into Pocketcat.

Pocketcat is a character in both games. He’s a merchant and servant of Rher who takes severed heads or human children as payment, depending on which game you’re playing. He’s also an in-universe fairy tale figure who punishes children who disobey their parents.

Pocketcat is also a sexually perverse character. He speaks in innuendo, he pleasures himself in front of the player, and in the first game it is implied that he is a pedophile.

Daan is a representation of the cycle of abuse. He hated his parents, and he hated his life with them, but he ends of transforming into a carrier of the abuse that was inflicted on him as a child.

Also, if you haven’t played Fear & Hunger: Termina, it’s actually really hard for me to describe how off-putting and disturbing this reveal is. Daan is the only character who transforms into a pre-existing character, and the Pocketcat has been established as one of the evilest characters in the entire fucking franchise. Watching this happen to the helpful doctor character is sad, gross, and creepy in a way that is entirely intentional and honestly kind of perfect for a tragic horror story.

Daan’s transformation into Pocketcat is also different than the other moonscorch scenes. Most other characters will express discomfort and then just morph into their moonscorched form. If taken to the tower, Daan will start talking to Pocketcat even though no one else can see him. Daan will say “this is the only way to get answers? Fine, I accept your proposal.” This implies that he made a deal with Pocketcat. Presumably agreeing to possession in order to learn what happened to his wife and father-in-law.

However, if Daan moonscorches because you slept until day four, he has an interaction with Pocketcat in which Pocketcat doesn’t offer an exchange, but instead convinces Daan that this was always who he was. Pocketcat calls Daan dirty and degenerate (among other things) and treats the passing of the torch less as a possession and more of a transformation, or rather a reveal, of Daan. At least, this is how the two of them perceive it.

Daan’s history is what led him here. The abuse inflicted by his parents and the tragedy of what happened to Elise and the Baron made him susceptible to Pocketcat’s influence. He’s also the only character who still transforms in his B ending. It’s like his entire life was a tragedy orchestrated by the gods to ensure he ends up in this position, where transforming into a monster becomes his only option. The two different ways he transforms reveals a dichotomy that I think is present with every contestant in the festival; are the moonscorched forms a result of the inner self, or forces we can’t control? Which is more frightening? Which is more comforting? I think it’s deliberately ambiguous, and like all dichotomies, it’s a false one.

While Daan’s moonscorching is different than the others’ in terms of lore, the other moonscorched forms are also shaped by the pasts, secrets, and inner feelings of the contestants. Maybe it isn’t their orchestrated destiny, but it is their ultimate tragic fate.

There’s the duality within the self; the pieces of ourself that we love and respect, and the pieces of ourselves we wish we could get rid of. This is present in some of the moonscorched forms, but it’s clearly present in another scorched character. Not one scorched by the moon, but scorched in the burning pit of Sulfur.

If you take Black Kalev to the Rher dimension and carve enough idols of yourself, the man in black tells you that he was there when Alll-mer (who is the Fear & Hunger universe’s version of Christ) carved a being from his subconscious. This was a way of distancing himself from his own imperfection. This imperfect being was cast into the pits of sulfur so that Alll-mer could truly ascend, but the man in black poses a question. Who was really cast away? The conscious or the subconscious? Which side will prevail?

I tend to like works of fiction that are thematically coherent. The type where many different story elements all tie back to the same theme. The Fear & Hunger series has many different themes, but they all sort of bleed into each other. There’s creation and destruction; concepts that are embodied by the old gods Sylvian and Gro-goroth, and in how the ages of modern history rebuild after the old ones crumble. There’s destiny and circumstance; people like Daan or the girl from the first game have these fates designed by the gods, but also born from their own experiences. There’s the concept of the “greater good” verses the people who suffer due to the pursuit of such a thing. Le’garde and his pursuits of a unified world contrasting with the suffering he inflicts as he becomes the Kaiser. Ascension and corruption; Alll-mer and his cursed counterpart, and the moonscorched and their altered forms. All of these conflicting forces that are born of how the gods and the humans shape the world of Fear & Hunger.

I think all of this stuff does fall under one thesis, and this is summarized by the man in black. “Good on one hand and the evil on the other. Good can come from bad places, just as bad can come from the good. A constant struggle. A game even.” It’s about duality and contradicting forces that cannot exist without their counterparts.

It’s also about repetition. How the old gods, the new gods, and the humans always seem to find themselves trapped in these struggles.

The old gods influence humanity. The new gods are overthrown and retire to their grand hall. A young woman ascends to godhood. The prophesized man fails to reach his full potential, and the Moon God’s servant lives on as both myth and merchant. All of this has happened before, and it will all happen again. In the words of Francois the Dominating, “another cycle is to begin.”

So yeah. I can’t wait for Fear & Hunger 3.